I'm sorry

You'll know why soon...

My friends and I often meet up once every few weeks to catch up on the latest happenings. Just and all girl meeting. Well, maybe not an all girl meeting since I go with my husband. So, it's 4 girls and a guy. Doesn't matter. Anyway, we'll meet after dinner time and chat till midnight. The reason it always only last till midnight is because my friend, Mable has a strict mummy, just like yours truly and can't stay out too late. Doesn't matter. Cause by midnight we would've talked enough to last us till the next meeting and our stomachs are probably aching from laughing too much. So we'll leave our meetings happy, most of us anyway. (Mable thinks we should meet up less often cause she gets stressed whenever she sees me. She's just jealous of my quick comebacks.)

We will discuss a lot of things, from personal care, LD's, mole rats, to gossiping about others. Most of the time, it's the latter cause it's just so much fun talking about other people! (kidding) Lately, our discussions have been Blog related. Well, not all of it, but it'll always manage to come up. Maybe it's because we've caught the Blog-Bug and are still new to the whole thing. We also read other peoples Blogs. Refer to one of my friends post on that matter. It is aptly called Bloginsitis . It's just fun reading about peoples lives. It's like we're living it with them. Some are really good, some, just angst ridden. The good or the bad ones, we read them anyway. It's just such a fun past-time (or full time). You'd feel as if you know that person, and would be compelled to know what that person is up to. Almost like an addiction.

I read a few blogs regularly. I shall not name names or post links. I would discuss these peoples lives with my friends. Most of the time, I'd be criticising their rants. I couldn't understand how someone could post such angry posts online for the world to see. I would wonder, doesn't that person worry that whoever she's/he's complaining about would happen to stumble upon her/his blog and read the mean things he/she said? I'd go on about how I disagree of such actions and would speak my mind about it. This would happen each time we met up. My opinion never budged.

Mable tried to rationalize with me. She told me I shouldn't be so judgemental and try to be a little more understanding. She said, most of these people might actually be real nice in real life. It's just that they need an outlet to let out the frustration or anger they might feel. I have to admit now, that I see her point. This dawned on me a couple of days back. You see, I too have been compelled to write what I feel on my blog, to let off steam. I'm glad I didn't. The things I said would not have been too nice and it would hurt the people I love. I'm glad I let the idea stay an idea.

I would think it out in my mind. The things I'd type. But my conscience would always get the better of me. And I'd not do it. This has happened to me several times. When I'm in a temper and boiling hot inside. In fact, it happened to me today. But I didn't do it, but just brooded the rest of the evening instead. I must state that I am a very emotional person when it comes to personal issues. I can sulk over a matter for days. I'd have this thorn in my heart and just think and re-think the matter. It's a sickness I tell you. If I weren't so grudging, I'd probably lead a much happier life. I try to change, but changes are hard to make. Especially if you're trying to change something that's been that way forever. I really should try at least, though. For my health. I am probably reducing my lifespan by being so grudging all the time. It's an unhealthy habit.

With the realization of that matter, I now understand why people say the things they say. It's not that they are mean spirited or mad at the world. It's just that, sometimes, when you're feeling so emotional, you want to let it all out just so you can feel better. And when you have no one that you can talk to about your problems, you blog. The things that are typed just pour out of you, like it would from me, had I given into my temper. You don't hate that person, you're just angry, at that moment. It's nothing permanent. I get it now.

So, I'm sorry to anyone I've ever criticised. Of course you would never know if I've ever criticised you or not, but just know that I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I didn't try to understand. Sorry I judged you. Sorry I might have thought you are a bad person without even knowing you. We are all human. Humans aren't perfect. We are often controlled by how we feel. We've all got our bad days and it's hard to say resist when emotions are running high. I'm sorry. I shall try to not judge people anymore.

I'd like to thank Mable though, for changing my view on the matter. Thanks mabs.

With that, I shall bid the cyber world sweet dreams.

Till my next post.